


Secrets of a Servant

by M0useB0nes



Category: Original Work
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Kidnapping, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Torture, LGBTQ Characters, Let me know if i should change the rating or add warnings, M/M, Multi, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Originally on Wattpad, Other, Trans Male Character, tags likely to change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 23:36:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16586462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M0useB0nes/pseuds/M0useB0nes
Summary: Sparrow Katz, a 15 year old boy from Ravenwood, Ohio, USA, finds himself in quite the awful situation. "Taken in" by the wanted, thought dead criminal, Erron Bellamy, at 6 years old, he's forced to find his way in an unfair game of 'Cat and Caged Bird'.Nevertheless, with the help of said criminal's son, Jason, the two are determined to find their way out together.From dysphoria to near-death experiences, they're there for each other, and wouldn't have it any other way.





	1. ADVANCE WARNING

HEY, IT'S YA BOI, SKINNY DANIEL! (EXCEPT I'M ACTUALLY P CHUBBY)

 

I'd like to throw you guys the NEW and IMPROVED Secrets of a Servant (or whatever the title is at the time you're reading this it's 2am, I'm not naming a book right now, okay?)

Only thing is, it's kind of unfair if you don't get a heads up.

I could throw you a thing and it could hit you in the nose pretty hard, and that's not good. Hurting people isn't good.

THAT'S WHY I HAVE CONTENT WARNINGS :DD  
I don't care if you hate Content Warnings or Trigger Warnings, I don't want to bring up memories of people's trauma, thanks.  
  
  


***~*~*~*~Recurring themes to look out for are~*~*~*~***

**Abuse,**

**Violence,**

**Strong Language,**

**Gore/Blood,**

**Implications of sexual abuse and pedophilia*,**

**Hostage Situations (i don't know how else to describe it :\\\\)**

_*The implications are so I don't delve too far out of my comfort zone or write anything particularly upsetting. Again, I don't want to hurt anyone. (also i'm sex-repulsed and a minor so >->')_  
  
  


Along with quite a few other things.

There will also be notes and warnings at the beginning of each chapter, so don't worry if I missed anything major. Feel free to ask if I can add things to my lists. I don't mind. I don't want to hurt anyone. Just make you uncomfortable and angry at me for doing this to Sparrow :DD (The tears of my friends only fuel me :)) )  
  
  


Keep in mind, this is more of a bored project, so it has no set update schedule. I post when I finish the chapter. As much as I like writing, it's a bit of a hassle when you have all your homework-granting classes on the same day. High School is great, lemme tell you.  
  
  


Okay, that's it for the warnings! Hope you enjoy!

I should have the first chapter up sometime soon, I just wanted to make sure you guys know exactly what you're getting into.

On Wattpad, the book currently has 11 or 12 chapters up, and they'll all be posted around the same time! This will not be the update schedule! My updates are very hectic and rarely scheduled at all!


	2. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings
> 
> Literal torture, graphic depictions of violence, improper chest binding, This chapter doesn't fit with the rest, but it's explained later why this happened (if i remember right)  
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I was fourteen when it happened.

When I was sure the whole world turned on me.

He was practically my best friend... I...

I didn't know what had changed...

Was it my fault?

It had to be. He wouldn't tell me that if it weren't true. I trusted him fully. He was the only friend I'd had there for the past 8 years of my life.

I should probably give a little bit of background, shouldn't I?

Well, for starters, my name is Sparrow Katz. I'm 15, going on 16, live in Ravenwood, Ohio, and I hate my life.

When I was about 6, I was taken into captivity by this man called Erron. It wasn't sudden. Not at all. I had made really good friends with a kid he had taken under his wing for some reason. He's never really told me. Anyway, I had gone over to hang out with the kid, Jason, for the afternoon, with my father's reluctant permission.

That's where the first mistake was made.

Erron refused to let me leave. He'd held me for ransom for almost a month. He knew my father could afford it. He'd gone to school with him anyway.

I don't know why I was held, but once the ransom was paid, I was still not allowed to leave. Just on weekends and for school.

I'd lived like this for 4 whole years. My mother died in that time. It hit all of us pretty hard, especially my twin, Paradise. Even my half-brother Alexander, who's well aware they're not related by blood. They were pretty close though.

Jason and I had grown up together, sneaking around for food, hiding from Erron when he was mad. We were like twins. Inseparable. Unless, of course, you forcibly separate the twins through kidnapping one of them.

Anyway, enough rambling.

At 14, it was another first. Not my first injuries, not my first scars, not my first punishment,

It was my first injuries from him. My first scars from my best friend...

My first punishment from Jason.

He did things much differently. He wanted to see me cry and squirm. It was more of a torture session than punishment. Especially since I'd been told that every time I screamed it would get worse.

I hadn't even done anything wrong.

But that's just the thing, isn't it?

People will always find something to get upset over.

That's the day I'd been outed to Erron as well. I'd been binding with bandages, since we had a surplus. Jason got onto me for it, while Erron was watching.

That's when all the "it"s began.

Erron has always referred to me as a dog. A worthless mutt good for nothing but kicking around. That demented stuff you'd hear about dogs getting out of abusive homes and into the arms of someone who cares. Except I don't get that happy ending.

Jason does it too, but it started as a pet name to make me feel better. I'm "puppy" to him. A cute, pitiful little thing you find and take in, and nurse back to health.

It didn't last long.

I guess that's a good enough introduction.

But it's pretty easy to tell from here.

This captivity of a life has only gotten worse, and it's all uphill a mountain of hell from here...


	3. Puppy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings
> 
> Implied violence, an injured puppy, Strong Language, monthly devil mention, implied abuse (physical and sexual, each on a different character.)  
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dog paws are soft

Really squishy too.

They're fun to play with.

Even better when the dog they're attached to likes having his toes squooshed.

Puppy, puppy, puppy!

The Gerberian Shepsky attached to the paws rolls onto his back, allowing me to scratch and rub his stomach.

Now I just have to keep the little guy hidden from—

"And what is that, puppy? Find a friend?"

Jason...

"Yes, actually. His name is Ace and he's very nice. But he's hurt and small, so you can't touch him." I try to put on a matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh really now?" His tone is and has been more friendly than threatening. He's just poking fun at me, he doesn't mean to harm me in any way.

"Yes." I gently hold Ace in my arms. "You can look but don't touch the bandaged parts. He can't walk right now."

Jason gently reaches out, and Ace licks his fingers. He laughs and goes to carefully rub the dog's stomach.

"He seems to like me."

"He does."

"So, what are you gonna do to convince me to persuade the Boss and 'Big Boss' to keep him?"

'Big Boss' is Erron's wife, Caitlynn. She's nice. I like her a lot. I've seen her drag Erron by the ear and make him apologize to me once. She's gorgeous and strong, and so kind as well. She's like a goddess.

"When he can walk, I'll train him to guard stuff, and I'll be happy?"

"Not enough."

I hesitate, scratching the dog's ears. "I-I'll let you do what you want to me, as long as I stay alive. Injure me, throw me around, starve me until I'm sick.. Anything..."

"Anything?"

"Yes... Wi—Within reason.." I can't make eye contact.

He's twenty. A sophomore in college. He knows better than to make advances on me, especially when I have yet to be old enough. Erron wasn't as restrictive on that with him.

He...

He knows better.

He'll sympathize with me, I know it...

He wouldn't.

He won't.

"I meant some fucking snack cakes or something from your stash but okay. What do you need? I'll buy it when I'm out of classes for lunch today. I still want sugar though."

The reply relieves me.

When I realize it was a 'yes', I can hardly contain my excitement.

I gently set Ace down on the nearby pillow, launching myself into Jason's arms. "Great Icarus! Thank you so much! I won't let you down, I swear!"

"Yeah, yeah. Step down a bit, little man, you hug a lot tighter than you think." He gently flicks my side.

"Oops! And also rude, don't jiggle my thicc! Okay so, we'd need a dog bed, and food, and treats to train him, and some quiet toys for him— oh! And we'll need to get him fixed at some point, too."

I continue to list things off, and Jason records it all to write down for use later. "Anywhere we could get him fixed?"

"Uh, I think there's a clinic around here somewhere. Aren't you learning veterinary stuff and human doctor things?"

"Yeah, but if Erron isn't willing to pay, then I'll cut the dog's balls off."

"Sounds easy enough. Neutering your pet makes him less nuts." It takes him a second, but Jason practically wheezes at this. "Do you have the stuff for it?"

"Nah, but I could ask the Professor what I'd need. She may be willing to fix him, actually. Should I take him to class with me today?"

"Can you take me to see my dad and uncle Jesse, too?" I bat my eyelashes.

"Yeah, I guess. C'mon, thicc boy," he pinches my side and wiggles it as he says this. "You need to go clothes shopping anyway, I want my shirts back. I'll tell Boss that I'll keep you under tight wraps and that you need 'monthly devil' shit. Your almost out anyway, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I need more testosterone too."

"I still can't believe they let you start hormone therapy at 14. Lemme see how it's going. You sound prepubescent."

"Acne is a bitch!" I shout softly, voice cracking.

"I agree. At least you don't have to go through all of the struggles of a teenage boy."

He picks me up, hurling me over his shoulder, and puts Ace in a bag, lining it with the pillow and a blanket.

"Take the dog and head out to the car, I'll talk to Erron about keeping him. What was his name again?"

"Ace. Like the ace of spades, or ace bandages or something."

"Alright." He sets me down by the door. "HEY BOSS!!"

Erron's disgruntled shout comes from down the hall.

"Hold on." Jason heads off towards the shout.

I sit down, gently stroking Ace's ears.

A few minutes pass and Jason comes out, holding his bloody nose.

"Good news. You can keep the puppy and come out with me."

"Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. He was pulling the 'it' card again so I hit him and he punched me in the nose. Let's go."

He takes my free hand, leading me out the door.

As much as he's hurt me, he's still my best friend.

I hope that never changes.


	4. Pathetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Mentions of Biting, Implications of abuse, implications of pedophilia, self loathing.
> 
> Tread carefully!
> 
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Pathetic.

That's the adjective that sticks out when asked to describe myself.

That's it.

I'm pathetic.

All I do is cry and whine and show no thanks when my wounds are bandaged.

I'm so ungrateful for not apologizing when I'm hit, or for curling up when I'm told not to.

My back stings.

My shoulders hurt.

I feel wrong.

I've done everything as I've been told, but I speak and I'm being barraged by an onslaught of insults, and I'm struck over the head or slapped across the face or I'm lying on the ground being kicked until something breaks or I vomit.

I've had to have bones set more than once and every time I'm the one who's yelled at for it.

Roger that, Boss, I'll kick Jason off a little harder next time.

Those have to be more than welts on my back.

They sting too much.

There's blood on my pillows.

Nice... I have to sleep in that now...

Might as well disinfect the bites if I can as well..

He makes me feel disgusting.

He's never done anything but physical injury, but he's always telling me what he wants to do. He's always nipping at my shoulders and gripping onto my waist.

I'm 15. I should not know that I have kinks if I'm not even of legal age.

Jason warned me about being alone with him, but when your safety is being threatened it's kind of hard.

I want to be anywhere else than on this cold basement floor covered in Daedalus knows what.

Curling up in Jason's arms sounds like heaven right now honestly. I wish he didn't have classes so late...

I want to be home with my brothers and my dad. I'd rather be kept up by a screaming Cockatiel than the fear that he's going to come down here and hurt me when Jason or Caitlynn aren't here to stop him.

I rely too heavily on them.

But I'm weak.

I'm a coward.

I'm nothing.

Wretched.

Useless.

Unlovable.

A freak.

...

I'm pathetic.

Just like he says.

...

I think...

I think I need to go clean out these lacerations...


	5. Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings
> 
> Heavily, HEAVILY Implied abuse from two different characters, a panic attack//dissociating and mentions of wounds  
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

His hands are very cold. And he moves too slow. I get that the disinfectant takes a lot to get into the wounds and that he doesn't want to hurt me, but it's taking too long.

He could be down here any second.

It stings very badly. I could scream and give us away...

I don't. I bite down onto and yelp into my shirt, which is bunched over my mouth.

"Shh.. just breathe, I'm almost done." Jason says softly behind me, pulling out bandages. "I do have a question, though."

Uh oh..

"Why is there concealer on your neck? Are you hiding something?"

"N-no. I-I was just.. Uh..t-testing if it matched s-so I can hide all my scars so that kids at school don't see them and ask.."

I don't want them to know. They can't know. If they know they'll tell other people, then one of them would tell the authorities, then the authorities would talk to Erron, then he would know someone told, then I would suffer the consequences. It's always the case.

"You can't see your neck without a mirror, which there are none of down here. It was Erron wasn't it..?"

"No.. Uh.. I-I've got a boyfriend, actually.."

"Oh, really?" Jason teases, reaching around me to wind the bandages to cover the stitched wounds. "What's his name?"

"Bradley."

"Sounds legit. What does he have to do with the concealer?"

"Um... Uh.. H-he..I..." I find it hard to find my voice.

"Has he been hurting you?"

I nod.

"So what's the concealer concealing?"

"Uh... Bruises.."

"Do you know what caused them." It was more of a statement than a question.

"It could be a lot of things."

"Can I see?"

"I-if you can get it off.."

A few more winds of the bandages until all of the wounds are covered. Jason picks up a cloth, gently scrubbing at the makeup.

"Hickeys, right?"

"Yeah.."

"Is your wrist covered too?"

I don't answer. I don't want him to know. He can't. He'll hurt me if I let anyone know.

"Sparrow."

He can't know.

I glance up and notice he's already uncovering the marks. I attempt to free my hand, but he's a lot stronger than me.

He can't know. He can't know. He can't know. He can't know. He can't know.

"Sparrow, what are these?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not."

"He'll get mad and he'll hurt me."

"Sparrow, he's already hurting you, let me help."

"No, I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"He's going to hurt someone."

"Sparrow this is abuse."

"It doesn't matter, we broke up anyway, that's why it happened."

"That matters, Sparrow! Why the hell wont you let me help you?"

"You're mad at me now aren't you? Oh, I shouldn't have brought it up, forget I said anything."

"I'm not mad. I want to-."

I tune him out. Whether willingly or by chance, I don't know.

He can't help.

Someone will get hurt if he helps.

I'm already curled up, sobbing and shaking on the ground seconds after he snaps my name.

Immediately he goes to comfort me muttering soft, profuse, repeated apologies. Assuring me I'll be okay. Slowly coaxing me into his lap.

It's all a blur in my mind. I don't hear it, I know he's saying it and I know he means well but I just... can't hear it... I don't want to.

He can't help.

I can't let him help.

Something bad will happen if he helps.

If I let him help, he'll know I told, and I'll have to suffer the consequences. It's always the case.

He pulls me up against his chest, still muttering to me. I still don't understand it.

It's better than being on the floor.

This isn't the reason I wanted it in the first place, but I finally got something I'm looking for.


	6. Plaything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings
> 
> Implications of pedophilia/Sexual assault, implied abuse, sickness/nausea, 
> 
> I THOUGHT WEARING A BINDER WOULD BE A LOT EASIER THAN IT IS, OKAY?? IT'S HARDER THAN IT SEEMS. I COULD HARDLY GET UP THE STAIRS BECAUSE I WAS LIGHT HEADED FROM RUNNING AROUND IN IT.
> 
> Anyway
> 
> Oliver belongs to Callistos-wings!  
> Jess belongs to Bird-song!
> 
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I should have listened to Jason.

He's dangerous. He's disgusting. He'll hurt you. Do horrible things to you.

Why didn't I listen...

He's going to be upset with me when I get home, I just know it. He'll see the bruises and the marks and he'll know.

I hate to keep secrets but if he knows someone will get hurt. That's why I won't tell him about Bradley.

"Hey, Sparrow, are you okay? You're staring off into space, my dude." Jess's voice snaps me back to reality.

"Yeah.." Oliver adds in softly. "You're doing that thousand-yard stare thing. You've been dissociating a lot lately. Is everything alright?"

"Oh! Oh. Uh, yeah I'm fine. Just worried about.. assignments and.. uh... s..stuff..?"

"Oh my god, you really are a shit liar. Come on, tell me what's wrong."

"Even if I wasn't bad at lying, you deal with enough bullshit to see through mine."

"Well I mean, you're also losing weight, covered in bruises, super jumpy, flinch if people raise their voice at you, dropped into the fetal position when your own twin went for a high five, you're clearly not starving yourself because you eat practically any food you're handed, the straps of your binder are clearly causing bruises, which I can assume is from improper binding, you keep pulling your hood over your neck, and there's concealer on your neck, arms, and stomach." Oliver pitches in. "It's kind of obvious something's wrong."

I stop myself from tugging at my hood. "It's... Personal.. I'm not supposed to say..."

"Dude, are you okay? Do you need help getting out of your house or something?"

"Nonono! It's not my home life, I swear! It's... um.. work? Related..? My uh.. boss.. doesn't want me telling anyone what happens.. they're just work injuries."

"Sparrow, bite marks on your shoulders aren't 'work injuries'. And you're demi, so I know for a fact you're not doing sex work. What's wrong?"

"I can't tell you.."

"Your 'boss' doesn't need to know."

"I can't."

"Why not..?"

"Because someone will get hurt."

Oliver speaks this time. "What do you mean??"

I pull my hood over my head, hiding my face in the table.

"Sparrow, please, I want to help you."

"You're only going to get yourself hurt if you do."

"Do I have to fight someone? I will if I have to."

The hood is pulled away from my head by a teacher, and I rush to cover the mark it had been hiding. "No, really, it's fine, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"I was the one who brought it up. Sparrow, come on, you're scaring me."

"You're starting to sound just like him..."

Jess stands, gently grabbing my shoulders and leading me into the band hallway. "We'll be back in a second, Oliver. Sparrow, seriously. Look, I promise I won't tell anyone you don't want me to tell. I want to help you get out of this!"

I can hardly suppress my tears, quaking, but for no particular reason."The damage has already been done! There's nothing you can do! Even if there was, he would just hunt me down like always..!"

"Kids, is everything okay..? You both sound quite distraught. " The band instructor cuts into our conversation, tapping Jess on the head with his baton. "Was there a breakup or an argument? Anything I can help with? I can call the nurse or counselors if you need it."

"It's personal." Jess responds. "He's going through a lot right now and I'm just trying to help him through it."

"Alright. If you need to talk, I'm here."

"Thank you, Mr. Eason.."

He nods, heading back to his office.

Jess turns back to me, gently placing her hands on my shoulders. "Seriously, man. I'm worried about you.. Your whole demeanor changed so suddenly, you're showing signs of PTSD, you keep dissociating when you get really upset... it's scaring us all. We're just trying to help.."

I shove her hands away. "You can't. Nobody can."

"Can you at least tell us what's wrong..?"

The door swings open, as if on cue, Oliver entering. "Attie told me you needed me so now I'm here and I'm not leaving." He announces, planting himself next to Jess.

"The band kids are all out at lunch right now. I could ask Mr. Eason if we could talk privately in the band room if you want?" Jess says, much softer than before.

"... I'll tell you what I can. Just promise me you won't tell anyone.."

After a half hour of spilling my guts, I grab my bag, and scurry to hide myself in the bathroom. Excusing myself hurriedly.

Binder off for a breathing break. That's priority number one. I'll leave it off until I really need it.

I take a moment to sob into the sink, allowing my body to collapse from under me and leave only my arms for support.

I feel like I'm going to be sick.

And then I am.

Nice.

A few more minutes of crying, and a few more spasms of retching.

Great Icarus, I need to leave.

Wait..

How can I hide it..?

Right.

Right okay.

You've done this all before, remember the list,

Cold water reduces swelling... I can hide the redness with my glasses if I have them... Shit, where's the camisole I brought with me as backup..?

I throw a handful of cold water into my face, shaking it off, pulling the undershirt on, then my t-shirt and glasses go on last. I feel too hot for the vest.

A moment to steady my breathing, and I pull out my phone, shaking as I pull up Jason's contact. He won't mind. I press call.

"Hello?" The response is almost instantaneous. "Everything okay, pup?"

"I need you to come get me."

"What? What's wrong? Do I need to hurt someone?"

"N-no! No, I-I got sick..? If I move too much it gets worse."

"Yeah, I'll be there in a sec. Hang tight, puppy."

"Tell my dad I say hi."

A soft chuckle. God, I wish he were here... "Will do. Take it easy. I'll be 5 minutes."

"Okay.."

He hangs up.

I should tell Jess and Oliver where I am..

As if by magic, my phone lights up again with a text from Oliver.

<[hey i heard u crying]  
<[u ok?]  
<[i can get the nurse if ur hurt]  
  


It takes me a minute, but I manage to get a short response.  
  


[I'm okay. I got sick and called home.]>

<[do u need hwlp?]  
<[*help]

[no, I'm okay, but thanks.]>

<[take it easy or else.]

[is that a threat or a promise? lmao]>

<[srry]  
<[jess took my phone lol]  
  


I can hear Jess asking Oliver to ask me who someone is.  
  


<[hey whos the brunette bodybuilder?]  
<[ur bodyguard or smth? I'll kick his ass]

Jason.

Great Icarus..

[sort of..? That's Jason.]>

<[has he hurt you? I'll fight him.]

[no no]>  
[its okay]>  
[he's here to take me home]>

<[jess took my phone again but well still fight him if you need us to.]

The doorknob wiggles. "Hey, I'm here."

[*we'll]>

I unlock the door, collapsing into Jason's arms as he lifts me up.

As much as I hate to go back, if it means I'm out of this situation, I'll take it.


	7. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day :))
> 
> Warnings
> 
> Strangulation, some thigh grabbing, nightmares, reference to burning/branding, Sparrow is super gay for a football player
> 
> Jake belongs to carrotfarts

His hands are warm.

So pleasantly warm.

Gripping my thighs, sliding up my back, resting on my hips, on my arms, shoulders, under my chin, tilting my head up to meet a pair of amazing blue eyes.

Gunmetal. That's the color, isn't it? Maybe baby blue? Cornflower? I can't tell, but I'm getting lost in them. Vibrant rings of sapphire, pulling me further and further into his welcome embrace.

I want to stay here forever. Wrapped up in a soft hug against his chest, his chin on my head, arms around my waist. We fit together perfectly.

Like we were made for each other.

Another glance up at his eyes. Gorgeous crimson pools. Like blood encircling pupils. Cold hands settle themselves on my shoulders, slowly creeping up to wrap around my ne—

Wait.

Before I can react to anything, I'm shoved back against a wall, Jason strangling me with frigid fingers around my throat.

I want to scream but nothing's coming out.

I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe.

He says something to me, but I can't understand

Icantbreatheicantbreatheicantbreatheicant reatheicantbreatheIcantbreatheicantbreatheicantbreatheicantbreatheicantbreatheIcantbreatheicantbreatheicantbreatheicant reatheicantbreathe

I jerk awake, causing the arms around my waist to tighten ever so slightly in a brief imitation of a hug.

Breathe..

Just breathe.

You can breathe now, it's okay. It was just a dream...

Okay.

In other news, I think it's time to accept it.

I'm so fucking gay for the best player on the football team.

Jake Clemmens.

Not the captain, but only due to homophobia, according to Bradley. Assholes. They can't drop the player who's won them most of their games. A few have apparently threatened violence but Jake is much stronger than he looks. Great Icarus, I just want to wrap myself up in his arms, and let him hold me against his chest and..

Ahem...  
Er..  
Anyway...

I've known him for years but we've mostly just been neighbors. We've only gotten closer due to our classes but I can't help but feel there's something more...

Something deeper.

Jason stirs next to me, nuzzling into the small of my bare back. "Everything okay pup..?" I feel a yawn against my spine. "You seem shaken up.."

"I'm.. I'm fine. It was just a nightmare.."

"You sure? I'm willing to kick some ass if you need me to."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine. It's okay."

"You're not acting fine. What's wrong?"

"Really, it's nothing. It was just a dream. Can we drop it?"

A cold hand moves up to my chest, but I slap it away.

"Calm down, I just want to see something. Even if I was going to grope anything, there's nothing to touch anyway. You hardly even need a binder."

"Implying if there was, you would..?"

"Shut up for a second."

I do as told, though begrudgingly.

"You're breathing very heavily and wheezing. Why."

"I woke up panicking, of course my breathing is going to be weird."

He lets go, tugging me back under the covers by my shoulder. Before I know it, I'm ensnared in the blankets.

"No binding tomorrow and you're sleeping in with me."

"Boo. You suck." I shoot back, attempting to make it clear that I'm joking.

"And you can't cook food on your own, so you have to wait for me. Don't want you burning yourself anymore than you are."

A sick joke at my own expense, but I laugh nonetheless.

"Besides," he continues, gently knocking his forehead against mine like a cat. "You need rest."

He jerks me into an embrace, nuzzling into my neck. 

"Alright, pup, it's 2am on a Saturday. Sleep. Even Ace is beating you to it."

Lo and behold, said puppy is curled up and snoring. I didn't even know dogs could snore that loud. Granted, Muffin is a teacup dog...

I attempt to curl back up and sleep.

Though slowly, eventually I doze back off into a dreamless dark.


	8. Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oliver "Ghost Boy" Ridgewell belongs to the lovely Callistos-Wings !
> 
> Jake Clemmens belongs to the lovely carrot_farts as well! 
> 
>  
> 
> Warnings
> 
> Asthma attacks, purposeful misgendering, Aggressive behavior, transphobia and homophobia, implied abuse, smoking, threats of violence, Sparrow is even gayer for the quarterback, the quarterback is also gay for Sparrow

What is he doing here?

Well.. I'm in public, of course I'm going to see people I know. Oliver's out all the time. It was just a matter of time before I ran into him.

Oh shit he's coming over here.

Act natural, nothing's wrong.

"Hi Sparrow!" Oliver chirps, backpack jingling with broken rattles and house keys.

"Hey, Oliver.."

Jason takes notice of him. "Who's this, puppy? Is he one of those friends I've heard so much about?"

"Uh.. yeah.. um... Jason, this is Oliver. Oliver, this is Jason."

Oliver stares at Jason for a moment, turning aside and whispering something to someone I can't see.

Jason smiles politely. "Is he okay?" He asks softly.

I bat Jason in the chest. "Yes, he's perfectly fine." I whisper back. "So, Oliver, who's tagging along with you today?"

A suspicious glance. "Attie, as always.. Nico's here, too." He turns aside again. "Attie says hello."

"Oh! Tell him I say hi back!"

Oliver snorts softly. "Just because you can't hear them, doesn't mean they can't hear you, man."

"Oh, I see."

Jason interjects. "So, how do you two know each other?"

"School." I say quickly, before Oliver can respond. "We met in school."

They both clearly know something is up, but neither says anything.

Erron seethes my dead name from behind us. "Who is this?"

"Just a friend from school.. nothing else. I-I thought you were busy with your client, a-and he came over s-so I thought I-I-I'd—"

"He just left." I didn't even notice his hand was on my shoulder until his grip tightens. "Nothing else? Oddly suspicious. Not another boyfriend, is he?"

"No.. though even if he was, by your logic I'd still be straight."

He jerks me back by the shoulder, startling me into a trembling panic. "And what have I said about talking back to me, mutt? I thought we'd cleared up the consequences of this quite a while ago."

I can practically see Oliver's alarms go off.

He grabs my hand, trying to pull me away from Erron and calling for help, telling Erron to let go of me.

Nonononononono!!! What is he doing!?

Jason looks just as shocked, seemingly wanting to intervene but afraid to.

"O-Oliver, wh-what are you doing!?"

"Somebody help!! He's hurting my friend!!!"

"Nonono!! Oliver it's okay, th-there's no need to—! Y-you really shouldn't—! J-just stop before he hurts you, please!!" I beg through clenched teeth.

I can't get him involved, he'll get hurt and it's going to be my fault. I promised them I wouldn't hurt them. He can't get hurt, I can't let it happen.

Erron lets go, sending both of us sprawling to the ground. Only now do I realize a small crowd had formed.

Oh god everyone's looking at me...

Great Icarus, please, don't let any of them call the police..!

"For the last time, you two, telling you no isn't hurting either of you! And I warned you that would happen if you let go! Dragging your sister with you was uncalled for! I'm sorry, everyone! My kids can be pretty rowdy when they don't get their way."

He grabs me by the ear, jerking me up once the crowd dispersed.

"You're going to pay for this when we get back. Got that?"

"Yes sir.."

"You know well of what's expected of you, so I expect you to do it."

"Of course, sir.."

"Good girl."

Oliver takes my hand, pulling me away from Erron when he lets go of my ear.

"He's not a girl! Leave him alone!"

"Her birth certificate and genitals say otherwise."

"WHELL, his birth certificate also says... uh..." he turns to me, whispering, "how much did you weigh as a baby?"

"6 pounds.. why?" I reply, hushed.

"His birth certificate also says he weighs six pounds, but things change."

"She doesn't have a dick."

"Well if I rip off yours would that make you a woman, you son of a—!!"

"Oliver please, it's okay, I'm used to it!"

"Well—"

"Erron, leave the kid alone." Jason cuts in, placing a hand on my shoulder, and the other on Oliver's.

"Attie's a 10 year old Celtic boy from ancient Roman times, and he can grasp that concept quicker than you can, old fart!"

"Jason take care of this brat," I try my hardest to tune out a name that's' not mine. "You're coming with me. You've embarrassed me enough today."

Jason just lets go of Oliver, crouching in front of him slightly so he's eye level and whispering to him. It's weird to see them next to each other. "Look, kid, I know you wanna help Sparrow, but you can't the way you're trying. You'll both get hurt that way. Just be there for him for now, okay? Bring him food that's easy to hide. He'll really appreciate it, I promise."

"Ambrose, staring is not taking care of things. Hurry or I'll have to punish you,  
too."

Jason stands, ruffling Oliver's hair. "Take care kid. We'll come to you if we need help."

I can just barely hear Erron muttering to himself, irritated, fidgeting with a lighter in his pocket as he drags me along.

I feel my phone buzz, but I don't dare go for it when Erron's around. I'm not supposed to have it in the first place..

Jason clears his throat. "I'm gonna sit in the back with Sparrow."

"She's fine on her own. You're 23, Jason. If I trusted you enough, I'd expect you to drive."

"But he's literally limping."

He smacks my leg gently, grabbing my phone and acting like it's his. I take the hint and add a slight wobble to my gate.

"She's fine. She's 15 and can take care of herself."

Time to make a fool of myself.

When we reach the car, I cry out, tumbling to lean against the vehicle and grabbing my ankle.

"I-I-I'm so sorry, sir, I-I didn't mean to—"

An aggravated sigh. "Just get in the car.."

"I'm sitting back there with him so I can make sure he's not hurt." Jason affirms, lifting me up and into the car.

"Fine. You know what you're expected to do when we get back."

Jason hands me my phone.

"And why are you doing that?"

"He was asking to play a game he got. It's some dumb tamagotchi thing."

"If she's texting anyone take it back immediately. She knows the rules."

"Yeah, yeah..."

I discreetly open the messages, seeing about 8 texts, all from Oliver.

It's been 5 minutes since we left.

'I'm gonna help you whether you like it or not.'  
'What do you need?'  
'Food?'  
'Comfort?'  
'I think I have some extra stuffed animals I could give you'  
'Sparrow'  
'Sparrow'  
'Sparrow'

I quickly text back.

'Can't talk right now. I'll get back to you later.'

"Jason, why is your phone on silent?"

"Do you really want to hear a 10-second loop of music the whole way home?"

"It can't be that bad."

Jason opens an unrelated application I got just for the occasion. A rather obnoxious tune plays over and over."

"Fair point. Turn it back off."

I can't help but notice the all-too familiar smell of smoke, Erron having lit a cigarette, just as usual. I know I have it with me, but I can't help the urge to make absolutely sure my inhaler is on hand.

Jason goes to roll down the window. "I'm just gonna—"

"Don't." Erron snaps, slamming his fist down on the control to lock the windows in place.

"But Sparrow's—"

"She's fine."

"Haven't you hurt him enough today?"

"Oh, not nearly enough to make up for what she's done."

"Si-sir please.." I manage to say, speaking out of turn. "Please I-I can't breathe..."

"Quit whining and use your inhaler. That's why you have it. Ungrateful little bitch.."

"Erron, it's not going to work if there's still smoke. Right, pup?"

I shake my head subtly.

"Even if it doesn't, c'mon, what's Mom going to say if the whole car smells like your breath?"

He grumbles, unlocking the windows and rolling down his own just barely.

It'll have to do. Asking for anything else would be selfish of me...

But I can hardly fight the urge to open my own window. I want to throw myself out of it and walk home. Anything to get away from this.

Jason casts me a concerned glance.

I clumsily whip out the rescue inhaler from my pocket, going through the normal procedure.

When I feel like I can breathe somewhat normally again, I start thumbing through my phone. Only then do I realize I have an unread text.

I try to check it as carefully as possible.

A message from Jake?

Maybe he needs help with something?

I open it.

'hey spe-dawg!'  
'you know how your birthday is in a few weeks?'  
'weve been hanging around a lot lately and I thought I'd just ask'  
'sooo wanna go on a date with me for your birthday?'

A date.

With a quarterback.

The quarterback I've been head-over-heels for for the past 3 months.

A date.

With  _him._

I nearly have another asthma attack out of sheer shock and excitement.


	9. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the occasional, tamer chapters
> 
> Warnings
> 
> Implied abuse, implied homophobia, implied transphobia, Sparrow is even gayer for a quarterback and hella touch-starved, a cute dog and hairless cat

I never thought I'd see the day I'd be going out with a quarterback.

Especially since I started all this dating trouble as bi.

But here I am.

Gay, trans, traumatized, and on a date with one hunk of a football player as a birthday gift.

Woo?

The restaurant we're at is rather.. fancy.. I feel awkward and tense, but I try my hardest to shrug it off. As of right now, Jake is on his second basket of breadsticks.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I don't realize it until I feel the vibration set separately for Erron buzzing against my leg.

"Uh.. hold on, my...dad's... texting me.." I hate describing Erron as such.

"Oh, okay." Jake replies, picking up yet another breadstick. "Take your time."

"He says I have to be home by 9:30. 10 at the latest."

"I can manage that."

"I'm probably going back on my own. My brother's friend is visiting and he said he can pick me up on his way there."

"Oh, alright. Whatever's easiest."

"So.. what's your family like..?"

"Well... kinda cool but also kinda shitty? My mom at least."

"Well, why's that? I-if you don't mind my asking.."

"She's super homophobic. Honestly I probably wouldn't even be living there now if it weren't for my dad."

"Oh... do you have any siblings?"

"Yeah. My baby sister, Nancy."

"That's a nice name."

"What's your family like?"

"Pretty nice, to be honest. I don't live with them, so I don't get to see them very often."

Oh my god why did I say that?

"Don't live with them? Wait did they kick you out?"

"Nonononono! No! They're not like that! I-I just.. I have different.. living? Arrangements...? Due to uh... personal problems... I live with my uh... my uncle.."

He's not going to buy it.

"That reaction was a little weird but okay... is everything alright..?"

"Yeah.. I'm fine.. just... panicked.. I Uh.. I have social anxiety.. and I'm.. really awkward...?" A nervous laugh.

"Ah, I see."

"Sorry.."

"Nono, it's okay, really!"

He stands up, gently taking my hand and pulling me into a hug.

I try my hardest to hide the fact that I flinched in anticipation of some sort of injury.

With my head against his shoulder, I notice he smells sweet. Like cotton candy, almost. I swear, he smells like a bakery. I can't help but nuzzle into his shoulder.

So this is what normal relationships feel like..?

It's... it's nice..

I don't want this feeling to go away.

He pulls away too soon. I consider leaning with him in an attempt to prolong the contact, but I don't want to risk falling or freaking him out.

"Uh.. you smell really nice."

Wow I'm on a roll. Who says that kind of shit!?

"S-sorry.. that was weird, I-I don't know why I said that.."

"Nah, it's fine. I probably have icing in my hair or something." Jake laughs, combing his fingers through his platinum hair as he sits back down.

Holy fucking shit I'm so fucking gay for this man, fuck. I love everything about him.

"Does your mom own a bakery?"

"Yeah. She lets me make stuff for it sometimes. Either her baking sucks or I'm really good at it."

"Maybe it's a little bit of both?"

"Maybe! She has Nancy make people little tissue paper flowers, and she sticks them to pens to sell for a dollar— oh hey! If you're looking for a job I could ask her if she'd be willing to hire you!"

"I-I'd love to, but my friend Max already has an interview set up for me at the cafè she works for."

"Oh hey! That reminds me! When we're done here I have a little surprise for you!"

"A s-surprise? Oh, y-you really didn't have to—"

"Well it's not totally from me. Your dad had the idea first. But I digress! He said I could do it for him since you couldn't stay past Saturday. I dunno why that's the case, but I guess that explains why you haven't been there when I went to ask the first few times!"

"The living arrangements would be the case for that.. I only really stay on weekends.. Saturday and Sunday morning, then I go back."

A little more time of small talk, then we leave. Jake brings me to the local shelter, gently tugging on my hand to get me to follow him.

"So... why are we here?"

"Two reasons! 1, you know that hairless cat you really wanted? I talked to your dad and he said I could get her for you! Two, your dad's gift is a... uh... medical alert dog, I think? I dunno, but they can tell you when you're going to have an asthma attack. Pretty cool if you ask me!"

I stop in my tracks. "Wait I can get Fluffy?"

"Uh huh!"

"And a  _third dog?"_

"Uh huh! He says Muffin is too small and mean and that Ace is too easily distracted. I can vouch for Muffin being mean. She does  _not_ like being touched at all."

"Best birthday ever!" I chirp, unable to keep myself from leaping up and dragging Jake in a circle out of pure joy. "I get a boyfriend,  _and_  two pets!"

I realize how I must look, and stop. "Oh... s-sorry I didn't mean to—"

To my surprise, Jake is beaming. "It's okay! Besides, that was the cutest shit I've seen all day. Like, that tops all the animals in here."

I can't help but hide my face in his shoulder, giggling like a child. "Th-thank youuu.."

The lady at the front desk taps her pen on the surface a few times. "Hello? Not to interrupt, you two are adorable, but can I help you?"

"Yeah!" Jake speaks for me, thank Icarus, "My boyfriend here needs an alert dog and a hairless cat!"

"Oh, Sparrow, right?"

I nod.

"Ah. Thomas told me to keep an eye out for you! Your dad already got Fluffy for you, so you can come see the dogs we've got."

Jake leads me back, following the woman. Within a few minutes I find a dog of interest, though I'd gladly take in all of them if I could.

"Uh.. wh-what about this one?"

"Oh, Nike? She's a sweetheart. Pittchow, we're pretty sure. Very soft, never bites, a little scared of large dogs and tall people, but she'd never bite."

"Do you know what happened to her? She's all scarred up.."

"Oh. She was used in dog fights, poor thing. She's not aggressive, surprisingly enough. Very quick learner too. It's a shame nobody will adopt her, just 'cause she's part pittbull."

A smile splits my face. Nike lifts her head, wagging her tail.

"She's perfect. I'll take her."

That night, I went home the happiest I've ever been in my life.

It didn't last long.


	10. Rarely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Implied & mentioned Rape, Pedophilia, and Child Molestation
> 
> (it's pretty bad, tread carefully!! Even if the age of consent is 16 where the story takes place, that doesn't apply to every state, so it could/should be considered CSA in that case!)
> 
> self-harm, self destructive behavior, self-loathing, knives, cutting
> 
> DISCRETION STRONGLY ADVISED
> 
> THIS IS ONE OF THE HEAVIEST CHAPTERS
> 
>  
> 
> Guy Jess does not belong to me, but I don't know if this Jess's creator has an internet handle they prefer to use!

"Sparrow?" I hear Jason softly through the door. "Sparrow, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry.."

"What in the world are you sorry for? Sparrow, open the door, you're scaring me."

"I should have listened to you, I'm so sorry..."

I can barely hear the door open. I make no attempt to hide any of the damage done. What's the point anyway? He'd find out eventually.

"Fuck, shit, Sparrow why did you do this!?"

"I-I can't tell you..."

"Did Erron influence this? Son of a bitch, He's going to pay for this. How did you do this? I can't think of anything you could have—"

"You don't hide things very well.."

"Yeah okay, but those knives were blunted? How could you have—?"

"I dunno but it looked used. Kink related perhaps, ya' weirdo?"

"Goddamn it.."

"I always had a feeling you were a masochist." I lean my head back against his shoulder. "How bad is it, doc?"

"Manageable. Don't move, and for god's sake never do this again!"

Jason takes a moment to patch me up, taping massive amounts of gauze to my hips with the papery medical tape we have on hand.

"Where is it?"

"Where's what?"

"The knife? And which one was it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Bull. Shit. Tell me."

"I dunno. I just picked out the first sharp one that caught my attention."

"Sparrow I know for a fact you know your way around a knife and what they're called. Fess up."

I sigh, defeated. "Rainbow trailing point pocket knife..."

"What kind of lock?"

"Lockback. Why do you need to know?"

"So I remember to blunt it and, or hide it. Hand it over."

I set it into his hand begrudgingly.

"Both of them."

"I only had one."

He casts me an unconvinced look. "Oh really? Then what's this?"

He reaches past my hand and into my pocket. He pulls out a Swiss Army knife I'd snuck for defense a while back, examining every tool on it for signs I'd used it at all. He flicks it closed, tucking it into the pocket of the flannel he's wearing.

Dammit..

"What did he do to you."

It's not a question.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. What did he do?"

"I can't tell you.."

"Yes you can."

"He told me not to tell you. If you confront him, he'll know."

"I'll tell him I found out on my own. Tell me what happened."

I stare at the floor, silent. I didn't think this through.

"Those cigarette burns are telling me tons, Sparrow. I'm just trying to help."

"I'm sorry."

Jason shuffles over, pulling me to his chest. "It's not your fault. There's no need to apologize. Sorry for being so.. aggressive, I'm really worried about you.."

"But I didn't listen to you..."

"As horrific as this sounds, honestly it was only a matter of time until things went this far... Now, I know it's going to be really uncomfortable to talk about, but I need to know what he did."

"I'd expect you to know... sorry, that was kind of mean..."

"No, no it's okay. I can understand why you're acting like this now. Just to check, you've been taking your medication, haven't you?"

"Yeah."

"Just making sure. Now, what did he do. I won't get mad at you, I won't tell him you told, if it even comes up, I'll tell him I found out on my own."

"He found out that Jake and I went on a date.. a-and he got really upset with me..."  
I can feel myself breaking down already, shaking, tears welling up in my eyes, struggling for breath, "h-He said th-tha—that he w-would f-f-fix it, a-an-and he dr-dragged me off t-to—to hi-his room a-a-and he.. h-he j-just..!"

I can't bring myself to finish, full on sobbing by the point I'd gotten to.

I'm hardly aware of Jason combing his fingers through my hair until he actually touches me.

"Hey, hey it's okay. I know. It's really hard to process." He coos softly. "Take a second to ground yourself. It's alright, it's over now."

"It hu-h-hurts.."

"I know, it's a really tough thing to go through."

"N-no.." I sniff. "Mh-my h-hips.."

"Oh. Yeah, those probably hurt too, huh..? I can assume antiseptic stings pretty bad in wounds like those.."

I nod, inching my way into his arms.

He presses a soft, chaste kiss to my forehead. Comfort. Nothing more. Like the affection you'd show a sibling. Nike joins the pity party, tapping her way over to me and resting her head in my lap with a soft whine.

"So you got her as Certified and properly trained? The dog I mean. For a service animal."

"Well, er.. no.." I say softly, nuzzling a little farther into the warm embrace. "I ha—have to train her myself, but if she's anything like Ace I-it won't take long.. the lady said she's a fast learner.. maybe she just already knows DPT?"

I gently tap my leg, and Nike worms around to sniff at my hand, trying to find out what's so interesting about the spot. Though, within a few moments, she huffs away again, only resting her chin on my lap.

"We'll work on that.." I say, gently stroking her ears.

"Try a verbal command maybe?"

I try again, tapping the spot. "Nike, pressure."

She wriggles over again, laying on my legs. Still, though staying for a little longer, she wiggles away.

"In the meantime. We need to get you some weighted blankets and shit." Jason takes to carefully braiding my hair. "Just remember I'm here to talk if you need to, okay? We're in the same boat here."

"Okay.."

"You're safe now."

"Please keep talking to me.."

"Okay, what should I talk about?"

"I don't know. Just talk to me."

"Should tell you about my day?"

A nod, clinging onto Jason as he hoists me up to lay on my bed rather than the floor.

"Okay, well, I met a couple of cool people today. One of them was named Jess, like your one friend. But a dude. I ran into him on the street, patched him up, bought him some coffee and gave him my number in case he needs my help again."

"Who was the other person?"

"The other person was a classmate of mine and holy  _fuck_  they're attractive."

I can't help but laugh.

"What? It's true."

"Someone's got a cruushh!"

"Do not, shut up." He laughs as well. "Their name was Eugene Beyer or something. Agender and pronoun apathetic I think. They had a bunch of pride pins on their bag so I asked them about it and they're so cool. Holy shit I can't get enough of that voice and their face and everything about them. And there's this other guy, Ben Benjamin. He said he picked out his name just to piss off his asshole dad, isn't that cool?"

He continues to go on about Eugene and Ben, but I don't catch most of it. I'm more focused on his heartbeat and soft tone.

I don't even remember falling asleep, but I woke up in the wrong room at 2 in the morning, under 3 blankets and on the bottom mattress of Jason's makeshift trundle bed.

I'm safe for now. It's okay. It's over now.

I'm okay for now.

Jason will protect me.

I go right back to sleep.


	11. Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings
> 
> Painful piano lessons, Sparrow is hit on the hands and with a ruler multiple times, and under the jaw once, blood mention, Erron's just a total dick in this one (if I missed anything please tell me!)
> 
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Piano is such a beautiful instrument. Loud yet graceful, gorgeous in sound and sight, amazing music to go with it, rather easy to learn, well known, can be used in almost any genre of music, all around lovely.

It's a little less lovely when you're trained through injuries to your hands how to play.

"Stop shaking." Erron snaps beside me. "You keep hitting keys. And I thought piano was supposed to fix unsteady hands."

"Sorry.." I manage to stutter out, lifting up my hands so the ruler barely misses them. It hits the keys hard, the sound sour and discordant. "D-do we really have t-to learn this way..?"

"It's how I was taught. It worked well. Now play."

I scurry to begin, hitting the wrong chord and earning a hard slap to the back of the hands. The ruler has already worn dark, almost symmetrical bruises into the skin.

"Wrong. Do it again."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, just play."

He seems so much more calm when he gets listens to me play. He doesn't harm just to harm as he usually does. I earn any injuries I get, he doesn't chase me if he misses or I move, I'm not injured later. I didn't really notice until now, but he hasn't lit a cigarette for a while. In fact the only thing that really smells like smoke in here is our clothes, but that's normal. My only real complaints are the ruler and that he's strict and harsh, but what's new about that?

Maybe he finds classical music relaxing?

He raps my knuckles once with the tool, forcing my fingers onto the keys, before using it to gently tilt up my head.

"Quit looking at your hands."

"Right.. my bad.."

This time, he smacks the underside of my chin. I nearly bite my tongue due to the force.

"I meant at all. Not even to start."

"S-sorry, sir..."

Blood seeps slowly, unevenly from the broken skin on my hands. It has to be dripping onto the piano by now.

"Get your hands off the piano."

"Huh?"

"I said..."

The cover slams down, barely missing my fingers. I managed to get blood on my face from jerking back my hands.

"Hands. Off. The. Piano."

With an irritated sigh, I'm quickly plucked off the piano stool without warning, quaking violently. 

"Come on." Erron sighs, tossing me to my feet. "Let's get your hands patched up. I don't want you bleeding all over everything."

Before I can say anything he starts off, dragging me behind. I'm afraid to be alone with him, but I can't exactly pull myself away. I'll get hurt.

We stop in the kitchen. He sets me on the counter and pulls out the first aid kit. (Jason insisted we have one in every room.)

"I heard that tea bags are good for bruises. Is that true?"

"Uhm... I-I haven't tested it at all.. b-but I guess? Black and green is what I read.."

"Might as well put it to use." Erron mutters, pulling a small tin of tea bags out. "I'm not wasting this so you'd better drink it."

"I-I'll be okay! B-br-b-bruises heal okay on their own! I'll be fine..!" I insist.

He scoffs, pulling a bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide out from under the sink and pulling me towards him.

"J-Jason says it's really not—"

"Well Jason's not here and this is all we have."

"But soap and water will work just as—"

A startled shriek rips from my throat as the liquid is poured into the wound, bubbling around any foreign objects or bacteria in it. Erron doesn't seem to notice, or care that I'm in pain.

Hell, he's smiling.

Arms wrapped around me from behind, body pressed against my back, one hand holding my wrists over the sink, the other holding the bottle.

"Tha—th-tha—that's-" I manage to gasp, trying desperately to free my hands, despite the fact he's already stopped. "th-that's n-no—n-not how y-y-you're sup-p-posed t-to—to do I-I-it.."

"Then how do you do it, hm?"

I can't manage any words out, panting hard from the sheer pain. He drags me back over to the counter, hardly gentle as he places me back on it.

I'd prefer an infection to this...

He chuckles softly. I hate the sound. My hands are still bleeding. If anything the  antiseptic will be washed out with the blood in no time.

"Oh would you look at that?" He purrs, waving some spray-on Neosporin in my face. "Maybe we do have an alternative after all."

I can only manage a growl, wanting desperately to move my hands away, but not wanting to be hurt.

"Here." His actions snap to a much gentler degree, voice growing soft. "You probably want this too, hm?"

I nod. "Y-you should st-s-stop the b-bleeding f-f-fi-fir—f-first."

"Direct pressure, right?"

I nod again.

"Alright. I'll see if we have any stretchy bandages when we're done. Should we rinse it off as well?"

"If you think it'll h-help.."

He coaxes me to the sink, running cold water over the wounds. It stings but not enough to react too monumentally. I don't think I even could react too much if it did.

He wets down a paper towel, pressing it against my hands. The blood soaks through a few times and he adds more, but eventually the bleeding does cease.

"Is it done?" He taps the wound a few times, causing me to flinch. "Seems to be. Let's get those covered."

He does as promised, dressing the wounds within a matter of minutes. Afterwards he pulls out my ponytail, brushing his fingers through my hair and pulling it back into a messy bun.

As he leaves he shoots me a smile. I've never seen him with such a genuine expression on his face.

"Go rest up. You did good today, Sparrow."

My chest tightens. He's never used my name before. Why is he being so kind all of a sudden?

He pulls out a cigarette, just as usual. "Oh. And one more thing." His expression and voice both drop as flicks on his lighter. "If you know what's good for you, you won't tell Jason  _shit_."

With that, he leaves.


	12. Consequence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Note: this wasn't proofread let me know if there are mistakes! Sorry for my unannounced hiatus!)
> 
> WARNINGS
> 
> Physical, mental and emotional abuse, Erron being a prick, suicidal thoughts/actions
> 
> ———————————-

I like Caitlynn.

She's very nice.

She sneaks me food, and gives Jason painkillers and disinfectants for our injuries. She keeps Erron distracted for us sometimes.

Right now, I don't like Erron.

He's blocking the door so Caitlynn can't leave to see her friends.

"Look, If you're not going to cooperate, you're not leaving this house."

"Honey—"

"Don't you 'Honey' me, bitch." He hisses at her, taking a long drag of the cigarette in his mouth. "I told you that unless you listen to me and do exactly as I say, you're not leaving this house."

Caitlynn slams her high heel into the floor, startling Ace back down the hallway. "Don't you 'bitch' me, bastard!" She snaps back, grabbing Erron's tie. "You never let me go anywhere!"

Erron yanks himself back, blowing smoke into her face. I can see Jason is physically restraining himself. We have no place in this, this isn't our fight.

"Listen here, darling." He spits out the word like venom. "I just don't want you going out there and embarrassing yourself. You look far from presentable. You don't have on enough makeup, and your outfit looks terrible."

"Erron, you shut your goddamn mouth!" Jason shouts, having had enough. He storms over to the two. Oh no.. 

Erron chuckles, low and chilling. "What was that..?"

"I said..." Jason grabs Erron by the collar of the shirt, "You. Shut. Your GodDamn. Mouth."

Before I know what's going on, Jason's on the floor, holding his arm, Erron towering over him with his belt in hand.

Caitlynn drops to her knees, trying to make sure Jason is okay. I'd do the same but I feel frozen in place. I'm terrified.

Eventually they both stand, Jason retreating back to where he was.

"Erron, please, what will it take for you to show me the least amount of affection?"

Erron glares down at his wife, pulling the cigarette from between his lips once more.

"Lose some fucking weight."

Fuck it.

At this, I lose control of my temper.

I don't realize what's going on, but the next thing I know I'm on the floor, half my face stings, and Erron is shouting every insult under the sun at me.

I bring my hand to my face. Blood.

A lot of blood.

When I look up, Caitlynn looks absolutely mortified, Erron looks like he's about to kill me, and Jason has returned, hanging back out of fear.

"Little shit." Erron hisses, grabbing my hair and pulling me up.

God, I'm going to die aren't I?

I'm going to be killed here and now and there's nothing that can save me.

...

Good.

I deserve it.

Erron roughly lets go when his phone goes off, answering with a rather irritated, "What?" As I tumble to the floor.

He glares on his way out the door. "You got lucky, girl, but I'm not done with you. Expect proper discipline when I get back."

He slams the door.

I finally break down when I hear the car door shut, sobbing, screaming, letting my body drop back to the floor despite my struggle to bring it back up.

Nike attempts to keep me grounded, but what's the point?

The only real help she has in the situation is pawing my hands away from my neck and keeping me from scratching my skin open. Even then, that was sarcasm.

I want to die.

I'd rather die.

I'd rather have died 5 minutes ago than have to live with the dread of these inevitable consequences I've doomed myself to.

Nike stands on my hands.

I free one of them and shove Nike back.

"St-s-stupid dog!" I snap, once again reaching for my neck.

This time, Jason stops me, yanking me up and holding my hands away from me from behind.

"Hey, quit that. It'll be okay. Doing that to Nike was uncalled for, she's trying to help you."

I struggle against his grip. "Let me go!" I sob out, "He's going to kill me anyway! Why not save him the trouble?!"

Jason moves both of my hands into one of his, holding the other out to the dog. "Nike, gimme phone."

Nike digs through my pockets, grabbing my phone and placing it into his hand.

"Where are your contacts?" He mutters before tapping rather hard on the screen a few times.

"I-in my eyes, dumbass."

"Even when you're having a breakdown you can be sarcastic, huh?" He lets go of me for a moment, sticking my phone in my hands.

"Shut the fuck up!"

I don't notice Jess's voice until she says my name.

"Sparrow are you okay? You sound like you're crying.."

"Explain yourself to them." Jason says, slowly pulling me down to sit.

Oliver speaks next. "Who was that? Was that Erron? What did he do to you? I'll kick his ass."

Great. I forgot they were hanging out tonight..

"No.." I sniff. "It's Jason. He's okay."

"If he's hurting you I'll kick his ass anyway."

"What's the matter? What are you explaining?"

"Yeah, man, we've been really worried about you lately.."

"It's nothing, I'm fine."

"Bullshit!" Jason snaps behind me. "Trying to strangle yourself multiple times isn't 'fine'!"

"Wait, strangling himself!? Sparrow what did you do!?"

"Nothing! Nothing, really! I'm fine! I wasn't trying it's a comfort thing!!"

"Bull-fucking-shit! You were talking about wanting to die 5 minutes ago!"

"Jason, please stop!"

"Turn on your location I'm coming over there to fight you this instant." Oliver says. He sounds scared.

"I just wanna talk, where are you?" Jess adds in at the same time

"No no no! It's ok! I-I'll get in trouble.."

"Ok here we come, stay put. Just lemme find my keys."

"Nononononononono!! Really!! Please  
I'm fine!"

"Jess this clearly isn't helping. Sparrow can you get out of the house at all?"

I shake my head, and realize he can't see me. "N-no.. he'll just hunt me down like always.."

"Ok um.." They're panicked. I can hear it in Oliver's voice. "Do the one thing where Nike lays on your lap and it helps you calm down."

"DPT..?"

"Yeah, that. It'll be ok. Can Jason run you out in an emergency?"

"Possibly." Jason responds. I don't realize he's brushing my hair until his fingers get caught on a tangle. "I'd have to be careful and know where to go, but it's likely."

"Ok, good. Do you need directions?"

"We'll ask if we need them."

I tune the rest out, calling Nike over and stroking her ears, shakily apologizing for shoving her away before. She doesn't seem to mind, crawling into my lap and licking my tears away. It feels a little like a kiss, just a lot grosser..

God what I wouldn't give to be wrapped up in Jake's arms right about now..

Despite the world seeming to crash down around me, I know I'm going to be ok. I'll be safe, no matter what consequences befall me.


End file.
